It's kind of funny, really. In a really messed-up way.
The abuse I received from my father -- or rather, the point at which it seems physical punishment elevated into abuse -- started roughly when I was five-years-old. This, coincidentally, was around the time the headmaster at my primary school informed my parents that he believed I should be checked for some condition, as I was showing abnormal, anti-social tendencies.
I have come to the conclusion, rightly or wrongly, that he may have tried to 'beat me' into 'becoming normal'. Or at least I believe this may have been the initial motivation, as there appeared to be a greater malicious intent, or simply frustration, once I hit my teens. More on that at a later point, though.
I was reading one of the many books on psychology at my University's library earlier, and it suggested, although somewhat in passing, that abuse can cause 'semi-autistic' symptoms. Hence, the more abused the child is, the more they display behaviours associated with autistic disorders.
In other words... my father was beating me to 'make me become less autistic', while such abuse may have actually exacerbated my autistic traits.
Talk about irony!
Friday, 27 June 2014
Genesis
In the beginning...
I never know what to write for first blog-posts. But I'll be brief: this blog is designed to detail my stories of my past abuse, and my current Asperger-related adventures.
So who am I? I would prefer to remain anonymous, because I have always had a fear that if I were to recount the stories of my childhood or claim that I was abused as a child, a family member might chastise me or say I am exaggerating, or worse, making it all up.
What kind of abuse stories should you expect? I suffered physical and psychological abuse from my father. I once detailed some stories to a therapist, who responded with the statement: "...so, in other words, you suffered extreme abuse." I still maintain that my father is a bastard, but honestly, I feel sorry for him and I absolutely hate that I cannot get on with him at all. There was no sexual abuse... well, I suppose his threats of and attempts at stripping me when I was in my early-to-mid teens could count as some form of sexual abuse to some, but I don't wish to trivialise sexual abuse.
My mother... I don't know what kind of abuse she did to me, some emotional or psychological abuse of some kind or another. It's hard to explain it in brief here.
What are my Asperger symptoms? Curiously, despite being female, I exhibit traits typically associated with male sufferers. But anyway, have a look at any list of Asperger symptoms, and I can tell you that I have every single one of them to some degree.
And why am I writing all this? This is not meant to be a blog, to which I resort when I want to have a moan or self-pity. I am extremely interested in psychology, and I often find myself reading books on the psychology associated with abuse victims.Roughly three years ago, I was diagnosed with severe depression. After I started treatment (which I am still currently taking and I am likely to continue taking for the rest of my life), I vowed not to become like the other text-book victims, whose lives descend into one of confusion and misery. Instead, I wish to regulate my behaviour, and try to blend in with the rest of society. Apart from the occasional flashback or anxiety episode, things aren't looking so bad. Oh, and panic attacks, which are becoming less and less common, hurrah. This blog is meant to detail my attempts at living a life not defined by my psychologically abnormal past.
So there you go, welcome to my blog. I hope it is of some interest to some people, somewhere.
I never know what to write for first blog-posts. But I'll be brief: this blog is designed to detail my stories of my past abuse, and my current Asperger-related adventures.
So who am I? I would prefer to remain anonymous, because I have always had a fear that if I were to recount the stories of my childhood or claim that I was abused as a child, a family member might chastise me or say I am exaggerating, or worse, making it all up.
What kind of abuse stories should you expect? I suffered physical and psychological abuse from my father. I once detailed some stories to a therapist, who responded with the statement: "...so, in other words, you suffered extreme abuse." I still maintain that my father is a bastard, but honestly, I feel sorry for him and I absolutely hate that I cannot get on with him at all. There was no sexual abuse... well, I suppose his threats of and attempts at stripping me when I was in my early-to-mid teens could count as some form of sexual abuse to some, but I don't wish to trivialise sexual abuse.
My mother... I don't know what kind of abuse she did to me, some emotional or psychological abuse of some kind or another. It's hard to explain it in brief here.
What are my Asperger symptoms? Curiously, despite being female, I exhibit traits typically associated with male sufferers. But anyway, have a look at any list of Asperger symptoms, and I can tell you that I have every single one of them to some degree.
And why am I writing all this? This is not meant to be a blog, to which I resort when I want to have a moan or self-pity. I am extremely interested in psychology, and I often find myself reading books on the psychology associated with abuse victims.Roughly three years ago, I was diagnosed with severe depression. After I started treatment (which I am still currently taking and I am likely to continue taking for the rest of my life), I vowed not to become like the other text-book victims, whose lives descend into one of confusion and misery. Instead, I wish to regulate my behaviour, and try to blend in with the rest of society. Apart from the occasional flashback or anxiety episode, things aren't looking so bad. Oh, and panic attacks, which are becoming less and less common, hurrah. This blog is meant to detail my attempts at living a life not defined by my psychologically abnormal past.
So there you go, welcome to my blog. I hope it is of some interest to some people, somewhere.
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